日本語で読む | English
Disclosure: This article contains affiliate advertising.
“Those full of motivation should leave.”
Tamori. Source: a Diamond Online article (Japanese) introducing the book Datsuryoku Meigen. English translations of quoted words are prepared for this article, not official translations.
“I need to try harder.”
When we think this, we usually have a particular goal in mind.
We want results.
We want recognition.
We want to meet expectations.
So we keep preparing, remain on edge, and try to anticipate problems before we make mistakes.
Yet sometimes, the harder we try, the less we hear the voices around us.
At such moments, Tamori’s words, “Those full of motivation should leave,” can come as a surprise.
Why tell motivated people to leave?
The Diamond Online article connects this remark with Tamori’s observation that motivated people “look only at the center.” In comedy, interesting things begin at the edges, but these people overlook them.
What follows is my own interpretation.
I feel these words are not rejecting people who make an effort, but questioning how narrow our vision can become when we tense up too much.
The moment we decide, “It has to be done this way,” everything else disappears from view.
We try to speak as planned and miss the other person’s expression.
We try to explain our ideas and stop listening before the other person finishes.
We try to be helpful and take on things nobody asked us to do.
None of this comes from bad intentions.
On the contrary, we want to make things better.
Even so, our eagerness can sometimes pull us away from the person or situation right in front of us.
Relaxing is not the same as being careless
When we hear “relax,” it may sound like cutting corners.
But I want to distinguish between the two.
Cutting corners means leaving out what needs to be done.
Relaxing means not making ourselves more rigid than necessary.
Prepare.
Keep promises.
Check what you do not understand.
Then ease, just a little, the feeling that you absolutely must get everything right.
This leaves room to hear something unexpected, or to admit a mistake and try again.
You can listen carefully without trying to look impressive.
You can say, “I didn’t know that,” even when you cannot give a perfect answer.
That kind of room is something I want to value when connecting with others.
Look at what is in front of you, not just your own effort
When something goes wrong, I can imagine myself thinking only about increasing my effort.
Prepare more.
Explain more.
Do more myself.
But before that, there are things worth reconsidering.
How is the other person responding right now?
What is actually needed?
Am I moving the conversation forward on my own?
Instead of increasing our effort, broaden the area we are looking at.
What makes these words interesting, I think, is how they invite us to question “motivation,” something that usually sounds entirely positive.
If you feel a little tense in your interactions today, do not rush to an answer. Listen to one more thing the other person has to say.
Before trying to prove something, look at what is happening in front of you.
Leave room for someone else in the space that was filled with your own effort.
Perhaps there are things we can receive precisely because we have relaxed.
